


brought you to tears again

by akamine_chan



Category: Bandom, My Chemical Romance
Genre: Gen, Podfic Available
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-09
Updated: 2012-04-09
Packaged: 2017-11-03 07:59:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 632
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/379128
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/akamine_chan/pseuds/akamine_chan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gerard celebrates his 35th birthday and thinks about his life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	brought you to tears again

**Author's Note:**

> Written on a whim, in celebration of Gerard's 35th birthday.
> 
> Beta by the fantastic Andeincascade, who also couldn't resist podficcing it. [mp3](http://www.mediafire.com/?42r7u12xhf9j798) or [m4b](http://www.mediafire.com/?d267hylh0zmsvl6) versions. Cover by me. Title from _Helena_ by My Chemical Romance.
> 
> Warning for mentions of Elena, Lindsey and Bandit. 
> 
> This is for all of us, to help us remember that there is a light at the end of the darkness. We just have to have faith that with our friends and family, blood and chosen, we'll get there.

It was still fucking cold in early April in Jersey so he bundled up: sweatshirt, jacket, scarf, gloves, the hat that made Lindsey giggle every time he put in on. The house was quiet, everyone still asleep except for his mom, who was sitting at the kitchen table in her ratty old robe. She yawned into her coffee and Gerard felt a wave of love run through him at the familiar sight.

"Morning, Ma," he said quietly, bending down to drop a kiss onto her head. He kept his voice low, trying not to break the stillness of the day. He rubbed his cheek against her hair.

"Happy birthday, baby." She patted his leg. "Gonna visit Nana?"

He nodded, swallowing hard. It'd become something of a tradition these last few years.

"Give her my love," she said. "Tell her I miss her."

Gerard nodded again. "'kay." He kissed her cheek and swiped a gulp of her coffee before heading out into the crisp morning air.

* * *

He brought her flowers, like he always did. Daisies today, blue and purple and orange, bright and artificial. She would have loved them. 

"Hey, Nana." Gerard sat down on the grass, cross-legged. The wind had stopped blowing and the sun broke through the clouds; it wasn't so bad. "Ma says hi." He plucked at the grass, mostly dry and winter-dormant, just to give his hands something to fiddle with, because he never knew what to say at first beyond _I miss you_.

He lit a cigarette and looked out at the manicured lawns of the cemetery, neat and tidy, headstones and monuments marking out the ordinary lives of ordinary people. In the distance, he could see a man in black leaning down to lay flowers on a new grave and Gerard wondered idly, exhaling smoke, what his story was. Who was he paying respect to and did he feel as lost as Gerard had when Elena had left them?

Sighing, he looked at her gravestone. _Elena Lee Rush_. She would smack him on the back of the head for being so maudlin. "Thirty-five, Nana, can you believe it?" He shook his head. "I know it seemed for a long time like I wasn't gonna make it to thirty. That Mikey was gonna find me dead in a ditch somewhere." He took a long drag off his cigarette before stubbing it out and tucking the butt into his pocket. "But I did it." He was proud of that, and knew that she would have been proud, too.

"I miss you, Nana. There's not a day that goes by that I don't think of you. I wish you could see what your boys have done with their lives. Me and Mikey, Ray and Frank. Settled down, getting married and having kids."

_If wishes were horses. . ._

He grinned. "Yeah, I know." Gerard could feel her presence, comforting and familiar. "Mostly I wish you'd had a chance to meet Bandit. And Linds." She would have loved Lindsey, bonded with her over art and fashion and music. And she would have fucking adored Bandit. His eyes burned and he scrubbed at his face, exhaling hard.

"My life is so fucking amazing and sometimes I wonder how I got here." Ducking his head, he picked at a hole in his jeans. "I fucked up, so many times, and hurt so many people. . ."

She would definitely smack him for that.

"But mostly, I'm happy." He smiled. "I never thought I'd be able to say that." A breeze ruffled his hair and he laughed. "That's all you ever wanted for me and I'm finally fucking there."

He kissed his fingers and pressed them to her gravestone. "Love you, Nana." He got up, stiff and cold, and went home, where his family, his life, waited.

-fin-

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [[podfic] brought you to tears again](https://archiveofourown.org/works/383628) by [Andeincascade (Ande)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ande/pseuds/Andeincascade)




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